A Reflection on the People in Your Life
Who we surround ourselves impacts whether who we are thrives or dies.
As passionate individuals seeking to grow in our careers and creative work, the environments we spend time in deeply influence who we are day to day. Since everything causes a reaction, we want to maximize the spaces that spark positive responses like proactivity, inspiration, and initiative, and minimize those that trigger insecurity, threat, or demotivation.
One of the major ingredients in our environment is our social context. Not just who we know, but who we see regularly.
“Regulars” in our lives usually fall into one of 2 categories:
Communities of Geography
Communities of Interest
What are communities of geography & communities of interest?
Communities of Geography are people we grow close to out of convenience and geographical proximity.
E.g neighbours, school friends, work colleagues.
These people are “regulars” because of convenience, they happen to be where we are very often so we build relationships with them out of frequency and familiarity.
Communities of Interest are people who share the same interests or hobbies as us.
E.g Other musicians, investors, artists, comedians.. the list can go on ...
They are not bound to us by location, instead, because of a shared interest. We may find them in content-driven spaces like gyms, jamming sessions, open mics etc.
What role does each group play in our growth?
I spent my 20s amidst communities of geography who often reprimanded me saying “you’ve changed… you’ve changed.” Like that was a bad thing. Like I abandoned them. Eventually, I felt “F*ck that—I WANT to change… or at least, I want the FREEDOM to change.”
I made a hard shift and invested in communities of Interest, people who were alternative, experimenters, trying new things, having conversations that opened up possibilities, not shut them down.
But over time, I realized I was missing something: continuity and stability. My old friends had that grounding effect.
Yes, I was exploring something new with my new friends, but it felt conditional, like the friendship only existed as long as we shared the same interests.
So, I’ve come to conclude that the best balance is keeping a few people from your past who are tolerant enough to see you through all your phases (and sometimes offer necessary feedback), while also having friends relevant to your present who support the growth you’re seeking in this moment.
When evaluating our friends, it’s important to know what they bring to our lives; do they encourage us to grow, or enable habits that hold us back?
Let’s look at the benefits and drawbacks to both groups:
The goal is to make sure our social circle is balanced and offers us the nutrients we need to thrive and lean in to who we are and who we want to be.
We want the stability of the Geo Community + the inspiration of the Interest Community.
Now, how to check if it’s in balance:
Ask yourself:
Do I have enough friends that inspire me to excel in the thing I love?
Who can I be fully myself with? Who accepts all the aspects of me?
Who is willing to entertain new ideas and activities?
Who is a YES person? Who is a NO person? What do I need more of?
Whose friendship feels conditional? Am I okay with that?
Who do I fall back on? Why?
You can also start to think about who you are to other people. With good friends, you can lean into your role to build a stronger friendship and even have conversations to acknowledge what you value most about your connection which will help grow what keeps you bonded.
Here’s an activity for reflection of the current status of your circles:
I have no idea where I learned these concepts but they’ve helped me during challenging phases. Now I know who to call depending on what I need and can appreciate the role everyone plays in my life. I can also make new friendships intentionally.
Would love to hear what this brought up for you and how you think your social circles impact your thriving. Just reply to this email with any thoughts you have, I’d love to hear them.
Otherwise, till next time!
Alia
